I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
