Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
