I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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