: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
