im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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