well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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