I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
