just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize