Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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