I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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