The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
