You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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