Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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