Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
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Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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