her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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