Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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