I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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