You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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