he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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