I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I can't turn off my feet"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
