The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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