Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
