I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
