My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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