hell yes lets make some ravioli
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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