spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
