hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
