I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
