I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
