I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize