Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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