Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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