I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Pants are for mortals
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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