laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
