Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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