party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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