Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
