so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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