I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
