I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
