Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
