We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
