she looked like the bat from fern gully.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
