I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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