This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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