Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
