Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
