omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
