U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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