This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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