tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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