ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
