Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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