Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
