I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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