well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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