She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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