Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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