8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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