Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
