ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
