There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
