I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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