He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
