honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
3pm strippers are depressing
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
