PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
