I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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