Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
