i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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