Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
