he wants to bone in the snuggie
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
