That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
